tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32253351621500918752024-03-05T18:05:49.070-07:00Name This Placenavigo navis sine nomineJustin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.comBlogger195125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-86708685583835705382016-04-14T11:30:00.000-06:002016-04-14T11:30:03.405-06:00Finding my Worth as a Poet<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
I am sitting in
my classroom and office---the reality of teaching high school doing a little
light reading on the internet as I listen to The Beatles’ Revolver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To my left, six of my college prep students
are working on their essays which is due in a few days in varying degrees of
seriousness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having come across an old
comment I made regarding places where poetry and political alignment intersect,
I was struck with the reality of my answer being incomplete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I responded to the idea of conservative and
liberal alignment, but I completely missed the opportunity to interject myself
into the answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The original question
had some dealing with how poets address war in their poetry, and who is capable
to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a veteran and poet, I
missed yet another chance to solidify my place in the poetry community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I am here, trying to rectify that in my
own small way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So first off, I need to make sure
you don’t think I only find worth as a poet in relation to my place in the
poetry community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find my worth as a poet on many different
levels and I am using the notion as a construct to discuss what is clinking
around inside my head more than anything else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At best, I will only be able to get to one or two ways I attempt to find
my worth as a poet—and hopefully I will be happy with some of what I have to
say.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As a veteran of the First Gulf War,
I find worth as a poet because I have on occasion successfully interacted with
my experiences in the production of poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have written a few poems which have accurately expressed my thoughts
and emotions concerning both the reality of war and its political
ramifications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am no Brian Turner,
whose work on the subject of war rivals that of any poet of war I can recall,
but I am proud of both my service and the poems I have written which address
the topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also try to support the
poetry of younger poets and fellow veterans who happen to put some focus on
their war time experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a
dual role for me, as a veteran and a poet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But exactly what worth lies in any of that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where does any of that make a difference to
me or the worth I have as an artist?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How
am I supposed to take my activities and demonstrate worth to myself, other
poets, or those with whom I am close?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know some of you will reject the premise of the question and offer the idea
that the worth of poetry exists in the poem itself, or in the act of
creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see your point, but I am not
talking about the value of poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
talking about me, the poet trying to find a relative placement within what most
people find worthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s face it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not too many people still find worth in
poetry itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Does my worth come from my
interactions as a poet, promoting other poets, continuing to address the issues
I face as a veteran with my poetry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I
expect anyone to assign me some sense of worth because I do those things?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I look at a poet like W.S. Merwin or
David Lee, I find worth in their poetry, their advocacy, and the interactions
(to varying degrees) I have had with each of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does anyone feel that way about me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have I contributed enough to my writing about
war and politics to register on anyone’s consciousness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even in the periphery?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or has that boat sailed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is my worth to be measured because I teach
high school English, and as a veteran I am presenting the possibility that the
modern, contemporary veteran can assimilate and become a productive member of
the Middle Class? Let’s face another fact while we are here: Too many people
paint veterans into a corner and get very uncomfortable when they have to
acknowledge their presence or talk to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In the poetry community I am a bit
of an anomaly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of that is because I
am a veteran.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went through the Veteran’s
Administration (VA) in order to receive vocational rehabilitation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a neurological disability which
manifests itself in extreme headaches and fatigue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I received my degree in History and went into
teaching high school not because I thought that was the best I could ever do,
but because I was as I am now, a pragmatist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I needed a career and I knew as a writer, I could write no matter where
I lived or what I did for a living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
because I did not go on to graduate school, whether to get an MA or an MFA, I
am not classified in the same strata as other poets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not going to be a debate over the
MFA, but I will tell you from my side of the fence, there are a few glaring
examples of how I am treated differently because my master’s degree is in
education, not creative writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will
say this to be fair: I have received a lot more sour looks and treatment over
not having a Ph.D. or teaching high school instead of college than I have for
not having an MFA in poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will also
add that I make more money teaching high school than many of the poets I know
in the poetry community, especially those who are trapped inside the adjunct
system, praying for a chance for full time employment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have published four chapbooks of poetry and
four full length collections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a
fifth collection due out in a few months, and all in the space of eleven
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course it took a long time for
those eleven years to start, but I am very fortunate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
My
being a veteran plays into my oddball status because I am a veteran.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a liberal Democrat, especially on social
issues, and I am more conservative in fiscal matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a veteran also makes me an anomaly in
the poetry world because I love guns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
own several and I enjoy them immensely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That puzzles some of my liberal friends just like my ideas which run
counter to the National Rifle Association confuse my more conservative
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of all, my status as a
veteran makes me ‘one of those’ poets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are several distinctions which puts poets in their place, and I
get it because I am a veteran.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
mind a lot of the prevailing discussion of white male poets even though that is
what I am because I agree with a lot of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There has been a lot of privilege absorbed and assimilated into the
subconscious of white male poets and too many forget there is a whole world of
other voices out there which have value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of course it’s the pigeon-hole effect I bristle at the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a veteran, so therefore I must be a
warmonger or some mindless automaton who goose steps and quivers with
anticipation at the mention of Ronald Reagan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of course that isn’t true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nothing I am is the only thing I am, and I think that’s what too many
people (not just poets or republicans or democrats) tend to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We reduce each other to make our own lives
easier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when we do that out of
necessity, I wonder where my worth lies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wonder how other people perceive me and where they place me in their
thought processes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder what impact I
will have or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have had</i> when it’s all
over and done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I
wonder if my worth as a poet has anything to do with anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if we make up these
distinctions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course I am reminded of
the intrinsic worth of poetry and the poet I mentioned earlier, but I am still
talking about me finding worth outside of myself in the indeterminate poetry
universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just because I am supposed to
minimize my need to place or what some might call external validation doesn’t
mean I am ever going to be able to rid myself of those things entirely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor does it mean my desire to know what place
I occupy in that universe is an entirely irrelevant pursuit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing who I am and where I stand is of
great importance to me, and I think I will always want to know.</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-71648663104691509682016-02-26T09:04:00.002-07:002016-02-26T09:04:57.067-07:00Some haiku<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
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Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
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* * *</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif";"></span></div>
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Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-82269831470314255332016-02-26T08:56:00.002-07:002016-02-26T08:56:39.550-07:00Places I've Recently Submitted My Poetry<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Here is the list of places I have submitted my poetry to since June of 2015. Most of them are through Submittable, and I enjoy the way they have things organized. Other stats include:</div>
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<br /></div>
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40 different poems spread out among the listed submissions.</div>
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14 submissions are still active.</div>
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10 Journals rejected my work</div>
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10 of the poems submitted have been accepted for publication.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Sugar House Review</div>
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South Dakota Review</div>
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Atticus Review</div>
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Diode</div>
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Rogue Agent</div>
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Whale Road Review</div>
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HOUSEGUEST</div>
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Laurel Review</div>
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5x5</div>
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Palaver</div>
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Bridge 8</div>
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Copper Nickel</div>
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Dead Mule School of Southern Literature</div>
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Heron Tree</div>
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Linebreak</div>
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Birdfeast</div>
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Lavender Wolves</div>
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Typo</div>
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Compose</div>
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Ampersand</div>
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Crab Creek Review</div>
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Mid-American Review</div>
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Mouse Tales Press</div>
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Mud Season</div>
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Border Crossing</div>
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Kin</div>
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Sugar House Review (2nd time)</div>
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Stockholm Review</div>
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Notre Dame Review</div>
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Quarterly West</div>
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Gravel</div>
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<![endif]-->Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-13726263047483790832016-02-17T12:42:00.001-07:002016-02-17T12:42:41.146-07:00An Argument for the Short, Honest Poet Bio<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The day I decided I was going to
be a poet was the same day my grandfather was hit by a city transit bus and had
his hip shattered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He passed away in the
hospital a week after having the surgery to repair that hip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was 88 years old, and he was tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his bed he labored for breath, and after
my grandmother went down the hallway to get a drink of water, he pulled the
oxygen mask off his face and died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was that simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He made a decision and
ran with it, figuratively speaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was what he had done his entire life, and it is how he undertook his last act
of will power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My entry into the world
of poetry was also a deliberate act, and I hope my poetry continues to be an
act of deliberation for me, pushing me further and further along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only difference is that I hope I will
never come to a place where there is nowhere else to go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s
all bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been writing poetry for at least twenty
years before my grandfather passed away at the age of 88, after he slipped and
broke his hip on the pavement outside of the convenience store where he met
with his friends almost every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
actually came to poetry by way of an accumulation of teenage angst and
alienation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started writing short
little poems in an attempt to impress the girls I liked because at the age of
15 I could already tell there was no way I was going to get their attention by
way of athletics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was nothing for
me to do except to start writing horrible little poems or to start burning down
the houses of my neighbors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask anyone I went to
school with, or the teachers I had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was probably the same kid some would identify as a potential shooter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I was exaggerating this part of this
essay, but I am not.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
creation myths of poets have been of interest to me as of late, and I am
wondering how exactly poets see themselves in contrast to what they actually
are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I am treading dangerously
close to some deep and somewhat complex ontological and epistemological
questions, but please bear with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
hope my exploration will yield some interesting thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of special interest to me are the
affectations poets place on their by-line and biographies which are included
with most publications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These bios often
reveal some aspect of the path poets have taken in their becoming, so to
speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More so, I believe they reveal
how poets see themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we paint
a picture of ourselves, we not only reveal how we want the world to see us, we
reveal how we want to see ourselves.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
I was younger, I read primarily from anthologies rather than single author
collections of poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found the
economy of an anthology appealing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
could read a hundred poems from upwards of a hundred poets and I could also
read their biographies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a young
poet I wanted to model my entry into and ascent in the poetry community on
other poets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought there were
certain things one did in order to become a poet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was right before the revolution and
saturation of the MFA degree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had I a
normal trajectory, I am somewhat positive I would have gone through an MFA
program—not simply because I wanted to model myself after other poets, but
because I would have been looking for more schooling in general.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reading from anthologies, I read a lot of
extended and elaborate bios.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read
biographies which were creative and witty, and those which were more reportage
than revealing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read some that were
strange and some that were simple, and to this day, I still am drawn to read
the bios of every poet I read in a journal or anthology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me the act of reading the poet bio is
compulsory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Of
course I have my own preferences, and those preferences have evolved over the
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some tell-tale signs of a poet
early in his/her career is the inclusion of a myth story and every single
publication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other young poets feel that
a bio full of metaphor is the way to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My major education in the art of the bio started when I decided to
create my own literary journal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
wasn’t all that much, just some one-man-band sort of operation of no real
consequence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My journal is where I
learned about the tremendous egos of poets, and to a lesser extent, prose
writers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, it is my belief that of
all the kinds of writers out there, poets have the biggest egos, myself
included.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
cannot tell you how many times I would accept a nice short, little poem, only
to have the bio sent to me be longer than the poem, even with the explicit
guideline stating I wanted a short, clean bio, with no frills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course the next e-mail I would get, after
I asked the poets to proof their pages one last time before publication,
invariably complained that I had gutted their bio, and would ask me to restore
it to the original length.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all the
poets seemed to imply, a finely crafted bio was another opportunity to prove
how witty and clever they truly were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can tell you plainly here, dealing with poets and their egos was at the top of
my list for why I never want to try editing a journal ever again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Still,
it piqued my curiosity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were all of these
offended poets truly upset?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were their
efforts at calling themselves ‘rivers of thought’ or ‘creatures of the night’
true and sincere expressions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was it
trying to conform to a preconceived notion of what poets are supposed to do and
say, or were they truly behaving thus because they were poets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was so terrible about me asking for a
straightforward biography with a few recent publications and no attempt at
being clever?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A very Hegelian sort of
puzzle, don’t you think?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me,
yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am guilty as any other young poet
who created the extravagant biography, celebrating every achievement (great or
small) from birth up to publication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wrote many bios that went completely over the top, asking the readers to
believe my entry into the poetry world was brought about by the same foamy seas
which created Aphrodite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, maybe not
that far, but close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then I grew
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I matured as a poet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized that cute and clever are more
times annoying than informative or productive. And this isn’t to say I am
advocating for an acquiescence or surrender.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Be bold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be direct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be assertive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just don’t try to be self-important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you see what I am getting at?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What does a bio really say?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
does it reveal to the reader that is on real interest?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What purpose does it serve, and what is its
true value?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t a condemnation,
no matter how opinionated I am against cute and clever bios, it is a genuine
question I wish to explore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Maybe
I am just being snotty or snobbish by wondering these things out loud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know there are plenty of poets who would be
upset at me for confronting their creativity with dour realism and calling what
they do both precious and infuriating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I am probably out of luck if I have any expectation these same poets
will defend their decision to write effete and smarmy, ego driven
biographies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By talking about this in
public, I am probably opening myself up to the kind of criticism that
originates from the very core of the poet’s being, some element of identity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get that, but for every poet who proclaims
their right to be maudlin and overly dramatic, all I can see is one more poet
perpetuating a mythology which alienates us from the general population—those
readers who so many poets claim to be writing for yet never seem to
materialize.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
will return to an earlier question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
purpose does the bio serve?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is its
value?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we as poets are talking to one
another through our bios, our autobiographies, then what does it serve the
writing community to refer to ourselves in such terms?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we are indeed writing these monstrosities
of figurative bile for each other, I am reminded of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Psycho</i>, where everyone is pulling out their new business
cards and gloating over the raised lettering, font, and various shades of
white.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a little disturbing to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If poets write bios as a way of
attracting new readers, then why would a poet write something more likely to
widen the gulf between writer and reader by claiming to be some unknowable or imperceptible
mystery of the cosmos?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must be getting
old and cranky to be so very impatient with such self-importance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Let
me assume that writing such a bio is intended to create a myth that surrounds
the writer, clouds or obscures our vision of him or her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What am I to believe about the writer when I encounter more writing and a
different bio later on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I supposed to
say to myself I have found a real artist, a sincere artist, or am I supposed to
acknowledge defeat, having lost the unspoken but slam-like battle royal we
poets are continually engaged in for the dominance of the poetry world’s
attention?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How am I supposed to get to
know a writer if I can’t even get a straight answer about who they are?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, is that the point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By closing off one venue, I am forced to
confront the work and forego judgments based on gender or societal norms?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is plausible, but it is hit and
miss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may be forced to ignore a writer’s
rural upbringing if they were to say they are a locomotive of passion and desire,
tumbling through the hate that is today’s political climate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I am also as likely to assign a negative
connotation based on my perceptions of the ego who would assume I cannot judge
a poem by its merits rather than on who wrote the poem.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
know it’s a losing battle I am fighting here, trying to get poets to stop
throwing their egos at me like hipster gang signs, telling me how they are so
entirely unique the work is just going to vomit or create a pearl from the
irritation they cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I know is I
have an aversion to poets who cannot be honest, straightforward, and demonstrate
some faith in the reader.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just tell me
who you are and where I can find more of your work if I am so inclined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are all special snowflakes, and we all
love the sound of our own voice.</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-27364707864551066042016-01-12T11:48:00.000-07:002016-01-12T11:48:03.925-07:00Autism & the Artist: Part Four<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I am worried about writing this
part of my series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t really know
as much as I would like regarding the subject as I would like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a teacher and a poet, but most of what I
know about supporting artists is what I have tried to do and what I would like
to be done for me, and hardly any of that deals with autism directly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I can speak about a few things and I
suppose that will have to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So here
then, is what I have to say about supporting an autistic writer, or more
specifically, what I have to say about supporting a poet with Asperger’s.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Support is support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how you slice it, it comes down to
a binary action on your part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you
going to support your child, parent, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend,
cousin or friend; or are you not going to support that person and his/her
art?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To begin with, that is to start
supporting someone, there is no magical formula.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to be willing to be supportive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chances are, that the person you know with
autism wants to be an artist for the exact same reasons a neuro-typical person
wants to become an artist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What may be
different is that some of those reasons might be amplified or muted, depending
on the individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, the
desire to communicate ideas and emotions is a typical motivation for an
artist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With somebody on the Autism
spectrum, art might be the only means of communication available, or the only
means of communication recognized by other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For myself, my poetry comes in part from a
desire to belong to something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
alienation is a fact of my life I will never be comfortable with and poetry is
the door I hope opens up into place where I am not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By writing poetry I am in part, trying to
belong to a group of people and have the opportunity to feel as if I am
normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“See?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have friends who like the same things as I
do, and we can laugh at the same jokes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What does this get you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
can understand the relative value of each reasons the person with autism holds,
then you can better understand their needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s pretty obvious, but I have found that people who want to know why I
write poetry have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to do
anything artistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why don’t I just want
to sit down and watch the game?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Football
is a social activity, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I
watched football, that would be more socially acceptable, but my needs aren’t
being met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We circle back to the general
reasons any neuro-typical person wants to explore art and we discover it’s all
about what a person needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, obvious
or not, there are a lot of people who don’t understand, and that’s why I state
the obvious.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Understand the nature of art.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are going to support somebody, it is
probably a good idea you understand what it is that person is trying to do, and
there are several strata of understanding that needs to be discussed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to understand the medium (music,
painting, sculpting, writing, acting, etc); genre (with writing that could be fiction,
drama, poetry, non-fiction, screenwriting); the nature of art in general and
the nature of the specific art; the place that art holds in the person with
Autism you know; and you have to understand the art as it sits in context with
perception and acceptance of the art.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This does not mean you have to accept everything as art, nor think that
every expression created has excellence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
Acknowledgement
goes a long way in this department, and on a personal note, I would hope that
through honesty in your appraisal of the work created will be a valuable tool
in the growth of any artist, and those with autism, too. It would do you good
to familiarize yourself to some of your artist’s favorites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the artist with autism is a painter,
knowing why they like Gaugin more than Van Gogh, or despise Titian while
praising El Greco, can be invaluable to understanding what it is he or she is
trying to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
One thing to be
clear about, is that you be honest when you deal with the artist who is
autistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you despise poetry, then
you had better establish some boundaries very early on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From my personal experience I can tell you
that my wife put up with hour and hours of me reading her poems she had no
desire to hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is very supportive
of my life as a poet, but she doesn’t want me to talk to her endlessly about a
new form of poem I have fallen in love with and will be trying to write for the
next three months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is there to share
with my every success and break my fall with my every failure, but she does not
want to hear me recite from the latest epic poem I have decided will be my
focus for the next three to four weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Does my wife hate poetry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not at
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there is a world of difference
between not hating poetry and loving it as much as I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And here is the weird thing: I am not as
nearly focused on my career as a poet as other poets I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just that when I do start talking about
poetry, I keep talking about poetry long after everyone else in the room has
grown tired of the subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What does
that mean?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It means that my Asperger’s
doesn’t let me see when other people are finished as soon as I need to
know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you support an autistic person who
wants to be an artist, you need to make sure they know you support them, but
that does not mean that your life needs to be consumed with that art.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Say it early and say it often until it sinks
in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
You need to
understand how the world at large interacts with art.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, I speak from a poet’s perspective, and
so this information may not directly translate to other mediums or genres, but
there is a lot of crossover none-the-less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am speaking about success in the world of art, and my experiences in
the poetry community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a fair
poet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have had four chapbooks of
poetry published, four full length collections of poetry published, and more
than a hundred of my poems have been published in dozens of literary journals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my more popular poems was anthologized
in 2013 alongside some poets who I admire greatly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have received grant money from arts
councils (not as much as I would like) and I am friendly with quite a few well
known and respected poets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of that
means anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Supporting your artist
with autism will be to help him or her understand that success, no matter who
we are, is a long, steep path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not
a destination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a hard concept for
new artists to understand under the best of circumstances, but it can be devastating
to someone who already has a difficult time interacting with the world and may
not know how things work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As someone who
supports an artist with autism, you need to understand that your artist may be
producing quality work, and might be an amazing artist, but that does not
equate with success as defined by the world at large.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the world defines success by
popularity, position, and wealth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Artist
rarely have all of that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know a lot of
poets who are absolutely amazing who never get the recognition I think they
deserve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That does not mean I am saying
those poets who are famous are not deserving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do not know of any famous poet (within the poetry community) who do
not deserve their position and celebrity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do not use the word celebrity as a pejorative, either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know there are poets I do not read, but I
do not begrudge their success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am 46
years old and I have come to accept I will never rise any higher in the
poet/poetry food chain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will continue
to write my poems and hopefully continue to have my poems accepted for
publication, but I do not expect I will ever be the poet people clamor to
invite for a reading or book signing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
may be forced in all likelihood to be a cheerleader for your artist with autism
without ever having their efforts and passion pay off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Accepting that is a huge part of what support
means. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify;">
I don’t want
this to be a disappointment to you, but there is not very much to be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a poet I found comfort in being
rejected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It meant I was being treated
like everyone else and I was the one responsible for my own success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect that your child, your partner, or your
friend, will be frustrated in their failures, but all the more pleased when
they see what success they have is a result of their effort rather than the
manipulations of others trying to compensate for perceived differences.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Well, I told you I didn’t know
much in the way of advice when it comes to supporting the autistic artist, but
I still managed to write too much on the subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope this, as my other parts in this
discussion have shed some insights into the mind of an artist who sits on the
Autism spectrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that as someone
who has been identified as high functioning, I do not speak to many people who
have the daily struggle of supporting and loving those with more severe
manifestations, but I hope this helps a little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-48465002204628923462016-01-08T11:30:00.004-07:002016-01-08T11:30:35.823-07:00Autism & the Artist: Part Three<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Today I would like to talk about the things
which my Asperger’s Syndrome interferes with regarding my life as a poet.<span> </span>Last time I discussed the positives of my AS,
and it felt good to talk about a few of those things.<span> </span>However, some of you probably already know
that some of the things which are positives can also work against me.<span> </span>For example, being single minded is an
advantage, but it can also be a deficit if I am not careful, or if I have gone
too far down the path and I am not able to readjust to see the big
picture.<span> </span>What I am going to talk about
today are not those sort of things.<span> </span>I
know it is already going to be a real tough thing for me to discuss, and I want
as little ambiguity as possible.<span>
</span>Therefore, the disadvantages I am going to talk about today, are in my
mind, unable to be listed as advantages.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0.75in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span>1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Alexithymia.<span> </span>One of the downsides to Autism and/or
Asperger’s Syndrome is these conditions are often accompanied by secondary
conditions which complicate both diagnosis and treatment/handling of the issues
caused alone or in combination.<span> </span>While it
is true I have some secondary issues related to my AS, it is Alexithymia which
causes me the most problems as a poet.<span>
</span>Simply defined, <b><i>it <span class="tgc">is condition where a
person seems devoid of emotion because they are functionally unaware of their
emotions. By extension, alexithymics are also unable to appreciate the
emotional motivation of others, and generally find emotions of others to be
perplexing and irrational.</span></i></b><span class="tgc"><span> </span>Wikipedia has a definition more closely related
to my issues as a poet.<span> </span>It states:
alexithymia </span><b><i>is a personality construct characterized by the sub-clinical inability
to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of
alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment,
and interpersonal relating.</i></b><span class="tgc"><span> </span>As it applies to me, I have a limited ability
to read the emotions of others and I have a pronounced difficulty expressing my
own emotions.<span> </span>If you read my poetry, I
am very much a poet who writes in the first person.<span> </span>Not being able to express my emotions means
that my poetry lacks the linguistic depth of my peers.<span> </span>One of the fundamental aspects of poetry is
figurative language which connects with a wide audience.<span> </span>Not being able to express my emotions as easily
as other poets puts me at a disadvantage when it comes to writing effective
poetry.<span> </span>Don’t get me wrong, I have been
very successful as a poet, but there are marked differences in the actual
language I use and the way I express my emotional self.<span> </span>Different is good, but different can
interfere with adhering to certain expectations.<span> </span>Not understanding the conventions of
emotional expressions in poetry affects how I see line, line-breaks, constructing
progressive ideas and themes, and many other requirements for writing poetry.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.75in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span>2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Alienation.<span> </span>I spoke of the ‘Alien Planet’ explanation as
to how people with Asperger’s feel.<span>
</span>Well, I desperately want to belong.<span>
</span>I mean I want to be a part of the group, one of the gang, a member of
the club.<span> </span>I have specific, personal
experiences which amplify this need, but that is not where I am going with
this.<span> </span>I want to belong, and that means I
spent a lot of time trying to belong rather than focusing on being a better
poet.<span> </span>I did not learn as quickly as I
should that if I would have worked on being a better poet, I would have been
accepted more readily into the world of poetry.<span>
</span>As it is, I pushed way too hard, and the result was alienating a lot of
fine poets by being the equivalent of the annoying little brother your mother
made you take everywhere you went with your other, older and much cooler
friends.<span> </span>I wore out my welcome on so
many fronts, that when I became relatively isolated in the pursuit of a
teaching career (I teach high school) it was both necessary and it probably
became the best thing that could have happened to me.<span> </span>I still push too hard, and I lose out on a
great deal of friendships and working relationships with other poets because
they have simply had their fill.<span> </span>It’s a
struggle to know that in my pursuit to be a member of a community, and to do so
within an art which is reliant on the communal, I behave in a way which is
counter-intuitive to my goals and that I will always do so.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.75in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span>3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span> </span>Single Path Orientation.<span> </span>Because of my AS, I get locked into one way
to do something, and I can rarely find another way, even when my original plans
fall apart.<span> </span>Because I imitate, I have
conditioned myself to find the one pathway which will give me the desired
effect.<span> </span>I have one process for writing,
one process for editing, and any attempts to change that are met with an aggressive,
internal opposition.<span> </span>When I was
undergoing an evaluation for possible vocational rehabilitation services from
the VA, I was told by the occupational therapist he was surprised I
successfully navigated the armed services because of my “pronounced difficulty
with authority.”<span> </span>My difficulty with
authority extends to even myself, when I try to affect change in my writing
habits I know will benefit me.<span> </span>Still, I
find one way to write a poem, or one way to conceptualize a book, or even one
way to draft my poems, and that is all I have patience for.<span> </span>For what would end up being my second full
length book, and the third book length manuscript I had written, I took more
than a year to accept that the structure I had created could in no way
work.<span> </span>I knew it and I kept trying for so
long, and only accepted the truth after a lot of unnecessary struggle and
internal fighting. Many of my poems which have been published are revised and edited
as I go along, meaning my first draft is what most poets would consider a third
draft.<span> </span>Unfortunately, once I have
finished the draft, the poem has a 99% chance of staying exactly as it is, with
not even a comma changed.<span> </span>I know that
thoughtful editing and consideration can make my poems stronger, allow me to
see different ways to express the poem, and allow for different directions to
emerge, but none of that matters.<span> </span>I sit
down to write a poem, and that poem gets written right there, or there is a
good chance---I’d say 75%, it is not going to ever get written.<span> </span>It’s one of the reasons most of my longer
poems have sections. <span> </span>They are really
shorter poems written about the same thing, as opposed to poems composed over
the course of several days, weeks, or months.<span>
</span>I marvel at the long poem like Allen Ginsberg’s <i>Howl</i>, or Frank Stanford’s <i>The
Battlefield Where the Moon Says I Love You</i>, not only because of the scope
and depth of such poems, but because I know they went through a process I am
entirely incapable of incorporating in my own writing life.<span> </span>Not being able to vary the way I write also comes
out in my expressions.<span> </span>I am overly fond
of alliteration and assonance.<span> </span>My
metaphors are constructed within very strict parameters, and I have difficulty understanding
the purpose behind the decision to have a line break here or there. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.75in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span>4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
Stars must be aligned.<span> </span>I do not write
poetry when I want to, I write poetry when I need to.<span> </span>Oh, I can draft any day of the week, but most
of my attempts go no farther than a line or two.<span> </span>Most poets know what I am talking about, but
what I mean by this is that everything has to be perfect for me.<span> </span>Everything.<span>
</span>I keep dozens of notebooks around my home and classroom, and they are
full of false starts because I have a predilection to a clean, presentable
notebook for me to write in.<span> </span>The page
needs to be immaculate.<span> </span>If the journal
is too worn, even though only half filled---it is rejected.<span> </span>If the page itself doesn’t look right, I turn
the page until I see a page I can accept.<span>
</span>If I write too small, too big, too messy, too neat, then I have to
scribble and start over.<span> </span>I am definitely
a writer for the computer age.<span> </span>With word
processing programs, I can save a file and open a new one with only a few
clicks.<span> </span>I can go into an existing file
and delete and start over (with the 25% of poems which might see an attempt at
revision past my first draft), and I can edit my poem ten different times with
ten different sets of line breaks, experimenting every time.<span> </span>I also go long periods of time between
writing anything I find of worth.<span> </span>My
longest window is about three years, but I hope next time won’t be so
long.<span> </span>When I do write poems I am excited
about, it’s a flurry of action, and a mad rush to get it out of my system.<span> </span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0.75in; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span>5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="tgc"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">This
last one I am not certain how to classify.<span>
</span>When I am about 90% finished with a project, and I have to do that last
10% of work, which is to edit and make certain I have all of my punctuation,
spelling, grammar, and the like correct, I lose interest in the project.<span> </span>I want to write something else.<span> </span>Unfortunately, I am plagued with the
single-mindedness I spoke of earlier, and I cannot dismiss my work until I am
satisfied it has had closure, which most often comes in the form of
publication.<span> </span>Basically, I cannot work on
another manuscript or project until the current project has been disposed of,
and I will do anything I can to avoid finishing a project because of the kind
of work it demands.<span> </span>Writing in most
other areas/realms I can edit and polish and be fine with it, but not with
poetry.<span> </span>Somewhere in my head, and I do
not know what that might be, I am fighting against some prejudice against the
refinement of my own work.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Next time, for my
last installment, I will try to answer the question of what is to be done for
the artist who is autistic.<span> </span>How can you
support the Autistic artist, and how can you best interact with those artists who
identify on the Autism Spectrum?<span> </span></span></span></div>
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UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
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<![endif]-->Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-76470265353838924692015-12-26T09:12:00.000-07:002015-12-26T09:12:06.137-07:00Autism & the Artist: Part Two<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
Today I want to write about where I, as a poet with
mild autism, seem to thrive. I will
primarily be speaking of the places and instances where autism actually works
to my advantage. I want to shift from
the general difficulties I spoke of in my last post because I think it is
important to show that even what others think of as a disability can in fact be
an advantage at times. Also, I need to
be clear that as I talk about my own experiences, I will be speaking of poetry
as opposed to art in general terms. It
isn’t that I don’t believe in the inclusive nature of other genres, only that as I
get specific with my examples, I need to speak of those things for which I have
actual experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I did not begin my journey into poetry knowing I was
on the autism spectrum. I was not
diagnosed until I was an adult, so I have had a majority of my success and
failures simply thinking I was simply struggling to be the best poet I could
possibly be in much the same fashion other poets struggled. That was not the case. Looking back now, I can see where my autism
interjected itself into my life as a poet.
Here are a few key ideas:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--> Rejection never got the best of me. Once I decided I was going to be a poet that
was it. There was no more discussion or
debate regarding that choice. There has
been plenty of debate over what I should do to become a better poet, but not
the decision itself. This means all of
those rejection letters I received as young poet in my 20’s, some pleading with
me to stop writing, merely rolled off my back, much like water off of a
duck. I was utterly convinced I was
going to be a great poet. Since my 20’s
I have tempered my vision of artistic greatness and come to accept I will most
likely toil at poetry in relative mediocrity and anonymity for my entire
life. That’s okay. But I look back now and realize my autism
granted me a certain amount of tenacity because I was single-minded, and remain
so to this day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Being
single-minded gives me an advantage when it comes to research and focus of attention. Well, yeah.
That’s how special interests work, right? Well, yes, and no. That I have special interest answers how I
can be focused on writing and talking about writing to excess, but being
single-minded gives me an edge in reading up on a particular subject in order
to write a poem, and like William Heyen, to write a great many poems about the
same thing. Just this last summer, I
wrote 55 poems from the same first person perspective, all using the same writing
strategy to help ensure consistency of voice and structure. So?
What’s the big deal about writing 55 drafts? Well, I wrote them from July 15<sup>th</sup>,
through the September 9<sup>th</sup>. In
December of 2008, I began writing a series of poems based on a poem by W.S.
Merwin. In two months I had an entire
book drafted. For better or worse, I
write a lot of my poems in a dizzying flash of heat and frenzy. My singular
focus pushes me. I become driven. In fact, the busier I am with my life in
general, the more productive I become as a poet. This aspect does have some drawbacks, but
those will be discussed later.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Asperger’s helps
me in the revision process. I hear about
drafting poems from other poets and I often wonder how it is to leave something
alone for a few days before the revision process begins. You see, I continually revise as I write,
often times going through three or four drafts in one sitting. I don’t say this to brag, but to explain my
condition pushes me to test my writing.
I will fiddle with a poem until one of two things happens---I am
completely satisfied with the poem (aside from a few cosmetic considerations)
or the poem breaks. This for some might
be a deficit, but it is a godsend for me.
Because I model my behaviors on sets and routines I see others do, I
need to have faith what I am doing is working or not working. Otherwise I grow frustrated and anxious. I draft a poem over and over and what I
consider my first draft (writing I do in one sitting) is probably a second or
even third draft for other writers. This
doesn’t make my process better, either.
In some ways I envy other writers their ability to let writing steep and
ferment. However, from my perspective,
for my peace of mind, my revision process, born through my condition, helps me
to make sense of my art.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->I don’t know what
can’t be done. Now I have plenty of real
issues when it comes to self image as an artist, but in one regard,
specifically, I seem to enjoy an advantage.
I am a bit of a chameleon when it comes to poetry. I have never settled into a singular voice
when it comes to my poetry. Oh, there
are certain hallmarks in my poetry which can identify me as the author, but I
seem to move in extreme sweeps in my poems.
I am either firing on all cylinders or I am completely misfiring. I write a lot of landscape meditations, but I
also write a lot of tongue-in-cheek poems.
I write in a hybrid of lyric and narrative, but I also write political
poems. I enjoy the Japanese forms of
haiku and haibun, but I also write persona poems. What I write is not dictated by what I last
wrote. In essence, I cast my gaze like a
wide net, and I write about a lot of different subjects and from a lot of
different perspectives. This isn’t to
say other poets don’t do this, just that I suspect other artists who fall on
the autism spectrum are often perceived to only be capable of having a few areas
of focus or special interest, and that isn’t necessarily so. Some of us have so many different things we
want to do, we simply don’t know where to start, and that delay often does not fit
in the neuro-typical vision of how things should work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
One
final thought for this installment, if I still have your attention: Much of my success is because I had a family
who dealt with me and made decisions geared towards treating me like everyone
else---that is, like a person who was both an individual and as part of a
family. I have heard Asperger’s called
the “Alien Planet Disease” because it often feels like we are somehow stranded
on an alien planet trying to learn how to operate. Yes, I have often felt that way, but the
expectations and support my family (specifically my grandparents) had and gave
me was possibly the strongest foundation I had when it comes to having success
in general, and the space to believe I could in fact be a poet.<br /><br />Next time, I will discuss the challenges I face as an artist with actual interactions with artistic expressions.<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-13253568578270830112015-12-21T12:02:00.002-07:002015-12-21T12:02:09.339-07:00Autism & The Artist: Part One<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span> I have been seeing a lot of articles
regarding autism and Asperger’s Syndrome lately, and some are thoughtful,
reflective, and funny. Some are quite
informative, and most mean well. Right
now Autism seems to be a buzzword and medical hot-topic, and because I have
been diagnosed as falling within the spectrum, I may be a bit more aware of such
discussions. However, very few are
intersecting with what I feel to be a fundamental issue I struggle with on a
daily basis---Autism and the arts. You
see, I am a poet. I mean, I am not just
a poet. I do other things. I am a husband, a father, and a teacher, and
even those things certainly create a great many variables in my life, it is
poetry and artistic expression I am going to talk about now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Before I begin to discuss my
interactions with artistic expression, I need to define a few things for
you. First, I fall under the category of
mild autism in the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
(DSM-5) ---what used to be classified as Asperger’s Syndrome. True to form with many others diagnosed with
Autism, I have secondary issues. Among
them, I have Alexithymia, which is a disorder which affects my ability to identify
and express myself on an emotional level.
I also believe (though I have never been tested) I have a mild version
or variation of Prosopagnosia, which is essentially face blindness. I have a pronounced difficulty remembering
people’s names, even those I work with on a daily basis. I recognize their faces, but I have
difficulty accessing their names when I need them. As a poet, I am much more affected by the
Asperger’s and the Alexithymia I must also state I was diagnosed as an
adult. In fact, it’s been just under two
years since I was diagnosed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I would like to begin with Special
Interests & Social Interactions. If
you know someone on the Autism spectrum, or if you are on the spectrum, you may
understand that a lot of people with autism develop special interests, for
which they become somewhat obsessed. The
stereotypical areas of focus seem to be math, numbers, science, trivia, and sub-genres
of culture (e.g. superheroes, science-fiction, etc.). The stereotypical nerd or computer programmer
comes to mind. I am not going to tell
you anything new when I say these are popular for autistic people because these
areas of focus seem to allow for obsession and rely upon abilities/interactions
which fall outside normal social interactions.
These sub-genres allow for, and even demand the ability to obsess over
the minutia often shunned by popular and more widely accepted social
interaction touchstones. Take football
or baseball for example. All of the
popular kids like sports. Some even play
in Fantasy leagues, and they will talk about their favorite teams at the local
sports bar or at work. This is socially
acceptable for everyone. Take Phil, who
is mildly autistic and who has a special focus for football, and he can talk
stats with the best of them, because that is how he explores his focus. But when the others have had their fill of
discussion regarding stats and want to move on to player salary disputes, Phil
is just getting warmed up and he still wants to talk stats. Phil starts bringing up player salary stats
to try and be a part of the conversation, but by then, the office guys have
moved on to why Coach X hasn’t decided to start using Wide Receiver Y, and Phil
becomes more and more marginalized. To
no one’s fault, Phil is not invited to go to the sports bar for beer and the
game. Phil quickly becomes that guy who
knows about any stat, but is too intense for regular, friendly
socialization. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
That’s how it is expressed. Phil will naturally gravitate to those people
who not only have the same set of special focuses, but allow for his awkward social
interactions---the avoidance of eye contact, the long-winded and complicated
syntax, and the excess of energy for establishing opinion. What this doesn’t tell you, is that the only
reason Phil joined the conversation was because he thought everyone wanted to
know everything there was about what he is passionate about. Phil doesn’t understand when enough is
enough. He doesn’t know when the
conversation is over. He isn’t able to
transition to new levels or different directions as easily. His momentum is a hard thing to influence and
shift. He thinks because you are
changing the subject so quickly, you haven’t listened to him and acknowledged
his subject mastery. He feels as if you
are not taking into account what he has had to say. You are foreign and strange, and Phil moves
away from interacting with you just as much as you move away from him. The difference is that Phil doesn’t necessarily
realize that it’s the autism making him feel this way, and he feels like it’s
his fault you don’t want to interact.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Now, when the special interest is
acceptable, either acceptable because other people enjoy the subject, or it’s
easily categorized in the realm of nerd or geek behavior, everything is
fine. However, when it’s art (whether
that is writing, painting, music, or something else) an added level of
discomfort is added. First, it is difficult
because most people like art, but they do not understand its creation. Why anyone wants to be an artist when you can
be a banker or lawyer is a strange thing, indeed. For someone with autism, it is
excruciating. Not only because people
look at artists differently, but because people look at autism and those with
autism differently. However, at least
one more layer exists. Autistic people
often scaffold their behavior and actions on those around them. Somebody with autism who wants to be an
artist, must first learn artist behavior by imitation, and not being able to
read what is essentially based in emotional expression is all too common. Now imitating is an essential step in the
progress of an artist, but here lies the struggle: Autistic artists will always struggle to make
the shift to authentic, individual, and original creativity. For the artist with autism, knowing when to
make that shift, and how to make that shift is incredibly difficult. <o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>(At
this point, I will sometimes be using the second person “we” to describe some
aspects of what I am discussing. Please
know that I am only able to speak of how I feel, as no two people with autism
manifest in the same ways)</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
I will use one such issue from my own
experiences. One of the issues I have
with poetry is the skilled and crafted line break. Often times, well considered line breaks can
make the difference between a fair poem and a really good poem. So much (not to employ William Carlos
Williams intentionally) depends upon good line breaks. It is an aspect of poetry I have struggled
with and continue to struggle with to this day.
I liken it to reading the faces of people. Just as someone with autism
struggles to read the emotion and intent in another person’s face, I struggle
to understand the subtle differences in the choices line breaks can
connote. The person with autism knows
there is something to be gleaned in the subtle shifts in facial expressions,
but the specific emotion is not a nuance easily understood. The autistic person will take their cues from
these facial expressions and guess at which facial expressions they themselves
should make in order to help them express what they are feeling. When I began
writing poetry, I began with imitating the line breaks I saw in other people’s
poems, not understanding that line breaks other people used would not work for
me. My poems were different and
therefore required different line breaks (as well as different forms and
constructs) but I could not see that. I
could not see how one person’s use of a line break, which worked, could not
have the same impact when used in a poem I was writing. My imitation was a cause for consternation as
I was trying to learn from the act. This
conflict---learning from imitation, but imitation failing on so many levels,
was confusing and disheartening. I still
struggle with line breaks, even though I have become better. I have created a list of rules and rarely let
myself stray from them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Another challenge facing an artist who wants to be an
artist is that those with autism struggle to be accepted and viewed as
normal. I cannot speak for those who
fall on the severe end of the spectrum, but I do not a common theme among those
who can talk about their experiences is the struggle to be viewed by the world
at large as simply normal, or average.
The desire to express one’s self in art is to say to the world I see
things differently. This presents a huge
conflict of interest for the individual with autism. We struggle in a daily basis to fit in with
the crowd, to be just another face and avoid being thought of as different, but
the artistic spark is telling us to be different. When we look at other artists without autism,
we see a confidence in this opinion and we get depressed because that
confidence is not a thing we can imitate.
We have to own it, and sometimes the best we can do is to pretend we are
confident in our art. This isn’t meant
to take away from the struggles people without autism go through to be
artists. I am simply trying to explain
the depths of what the autistic artist struggles with which feels to be in
addition to the typical struggles artists in general face on a typical day.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />In a few days, I will continue with my discussion relating more specific issues and struggles.</div>
</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-37795377818514378132015-09-09T22:04:00.001-06:002015-09-10T06:51:56.782-06:00Confessions of a heterosexual white male poet<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's right. I said it. I am a heterosexual white male poet. I proudly own that label, too. I carry with me all the baggage accumulated over a lifetime of experiences many of you will never be able to fathom. Do you want to know something else? I do not have any guilt over being a heterosexual white male. I have no guilt because I have no problem accepting the privilege being those things have granted me throughout my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I grew up in a working class neighborhood in small town Utah. The only black person I remember knowing as a child was a classmate, Haywood, from when I lived in Salt Lake City for a brief time. Other than that, the limitation of cultural diversity as I was growing up in my high school was limited to three kids with Hispanic last names, one exchange student from Africa, and a girl who was adopted from Korea as an infant. Yes. Rodney Dangerfield had more soul than me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">White privilege. Economic privilege.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Growing up, I was expected to graduate from high school, but being raised by my grandparents I was not pressured to go to college. Not graduating from high school was not an option. That was in part due to the prevalent Mormonism of where I grew up, and part familial pressure, seeing that no fewer than seven or eight of my relatives/ancestors were teachers. I had to graduate from high school because the alternative was very much against my grandfather's baseline protocol. No child he raised was going to be a high school dropout. So I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth, knowing I had essentially graded myself out of any scholarship or easy entry into post high school education. Still, I had it in my consciousness that college was what I wanted and needed to do if I was going to be like 95% of my friends and not be a disappointment to my family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">White privilege.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I joined the army at the age of nineteen, I did so believing four years in the army would give me sufficient funds to go to college. I did not join the army because it was a way out of some place, or even a step up. It was a means to an end. I would serve my four years and then get out and go to college. I did not have to make the army my career out of fear that no other options waited for me, but because I had squandered those which had been handed to me. I ended up getting out of the army after 3 1/2 years as a world traveler, combat veteran, and a man with a mission---to graduate from college so I would not have to do the kind of labor I did in the army. I immediately joined the national guard, had a regular job two days after I got home (actually being hired before I was off of terminal leave), and back among all of my friends with no social or financial deficit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">White privilege. Male privilege.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Back up just a bit to when I began to clarify my ideas of becoming a poet. I had been writing poems since I was 15, and submitting them when I was 20 and still in the army. I started sending out my work fully expecting to be on top of the poetry world within a year or two, max. So certain of my future, the very real hate-mail I received from several editors rolled off my back. Why? Part of it is my Asperger's. Poetry being one of my special focuses, I had the idea I just had to write better cover letters because my poetry wasn't the problem, it was the packaging. Part of it was because I had been conditioned in my early life and in my teen years that nothing could hold me back. I was white, male, American, and straight all at the same time. Nobody could tell me I didn't deserve everything I wanted from the world. A completely different message than what women, minorities (I grew up feeling more comfortable with that term than with 'persons of color'), or anyone who identified as gay or queer. Simply, I forged ahead with my shitty poems in part because I didn't know any better. My ignorance was a huge part of my privilege. I did not know it then, but I know it now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">White privilege. Male privilege. Straight privilege.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I started college, I took literature and writing classes which helped my poetry to improve in small increments, and I started to see a world outside of the many sets of blinders I had been given or had picked up and started to wear on my own. I admit to you now, I bristled a bit. For a while I couldn't understand why so many writing contests were geared for women, gays, Hispanics, or Asians. I was wondering where the contests were for straight white men. Why did I have to be Asian to submit my three poems? Why was this press only interested in publishing women? The answer took a little while, but once I realized what was going on, I made my peace with it and moved on. I had been writing bad poetry, bu until I started writing better poetry I had no experience with publishing. It took several of my poems to be accepted to student publications and some early acceptances with non-school journals to see just how lopsided publishing really was. I started to see how women poets, poets of color, and LGBTQ poets needed to see the Heterosexual White Male poet much like Derrida's concept of the Other. What's more, I needed to fix whatever it was in my head/heart which might be offended by them doing that to me. This was a matter of their survival, not mine. I and many others like me will always out, we will always be there, and there is plenty of room at the table for all of us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I started reading about what had happened with the BAP 2015, what<b> </b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: x-small; font-weight: bold; line-height: 19.5px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 19.5px;"><b style="font-size: small;">Michael Derrick Hudson </b>had done, I was more than a little pissed off. I was pissed for all of the reasons I should be pissed, but my anger is not an easy thing to talk about. Asian poets, and actually all poets of color, and poets who have felt the limitations I have not, should be angry. Some might say I have no right to be angry. After all, I am a heterosexual, white male poet. Nothing of who I am as a person or poet has been co-opted. And to an extent, I agree. I do not have a right to that part of the problem Mr. Hudson has created. However, I would say I have a right to a portion of the anger, and that has to do with my being a poet. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.5px;">Even as a heterosexual, white male poet, I am extremely angry with Michael Derrick Hudson for treating the poetry community with such contempt and entitlement that he think it acceptable to attempt to rub our collective noses in his shit. I am angry that a poet with as many remarkable successes in placing his poetry in high profile publications, he feels it necessary to play such childish and close-minded games with editors, who have a difficult enough time as it is juggling the egos of poets. I am angry because Hudson's actions are a consolidated effort to cheapen the pride so many poets have earned in their struggle for identity. I am upset because it distracts poets from doing the work of being poets and forces people I admire to wear themselves out explaining how what he did <i>is</i> a big deal and not just a bunch of too-sensitive poets complaining.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 19.5px;">Now, I offer no apologies. I do not apologize for my privilege, and I do not apologize for talking about this issue with my narrow perspective. I do not apologize for anything I have said in this post. It's not like my opinion on the matter counts for much. I will say I think what poet Kazim Ali is <a href="http://therumpus.net/2015/09/an-open-letter-to-aimee-nezhukumatathil/">saying</a> and what poet <a href="http://www.agodon.com/">Kelli Russell Agodon</a> is reminding us on Facebook of, is some of the most loving and positive things we can do. When it comes to talking about this stuff, I am not as elegant as Ali or Agodon, but I do confess this:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 19.5px;">I wanted to contribute something worthy of this discussion.</span></span>Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-86344992588230965732015-07-31T09:45:00.002-06:002015-07-31T09:45:29.693-06:00Rejected 2016 AWP PanelsYes, it's time I reveal all of the (fake) panels I submitted to AWP and which were turned down. I hope you enjoy my (fake) suffering.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. How to restructure your University Press to pay for renovations to subsidized housing for Administrators.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Clawing Your Way to Mediocrity: The Poet's Place in the Publishing Industry.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. The After-party: How to network your way into the glamorous life of the Adjunct Instructor.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Eugene V. Debs & Unions in the 21st Century</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Comp 101: How Students and Teachers alike have turned into the Walking Dead.</span>Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-11935186141634992222015-05-01T23:30:00.001-06:002015-05-01T23:30:29.214-06:00So this just happened<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just received my proof copy for my latest book, <i>Lake of Fire: Landscape Meditations from the Great Basin Deserts of Nevada</i>. If that title doesn't draw record crowds, I don't know what will. This is going to be my fourth full length collection of poetry, and I thought I would try to do a little more this time around to actually, you know . . . um, sell this book. You know I am no good at the hard sell, but I thought I would give it the old college try. That's what this blog post is about, so if you want to watch a poet flail his arms and make a fool of himself, generally speaking, then stick around. I am certain you will see something to laugh at, and that is half the battle. What follows is my feeble attempt at trying to convince people to buy my book, and it is important for me to let you know I will do my level best to make sure no animals will be harmed during the production of this blog post. Bruised egos are another matter altogether.<br />
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I think the best way to get this show on the road, is to give you a few reasons why you should want to buy my book. Interspersed with those reasons, I will throw out some random poetry facts---some specific to me and some specific to the book.<br />
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<b>Reason Number 1 to buy my book:</b> Aside from five copies I owe to various people (to include the generous poets who wrote blurbs for the book) I will not be giving any copies away. That's right. The usual for Justin is no longer the usual. When it came to my chapbooks, and certainly my third book, Sailing This Nameless Ship, I was in the habit of giving copies of my book to anyone who asked. Well, not any longer. for better or worse, this book is for sale, and if you want your fix, you are going to have to pay. End of story. don't like that business model? Well, complain to the management and wait patiently for a response. If you leave your phone number, I will be sure to ignore it just as I ignore your complaint.<br />
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<b>Reason Number 2 to buy my book:</b> Aside from three poems, none of the poetry in the entire collection has been published in any journal or chapbook. By my count (and sets of haiku are counted as one) that's 42 entirely new and virtually unseen poems for you to read. You see, part of my goal with this book was to publish a volume of poetry without the anxiety of basing my decisions on whether a poem had been published in a reputable journal. I intentionally assembled the collection I wanted and revised work I had not ever submitted or work which had never been accepted for publication. The three poems which were published? They fit my needs, and that's why they are in the book. This wasn't an attempt to thumb my nose at the poetry community or its standards. It was about my own peace of mind as I came to terms with some of my own emotional and psychological needs and realities.<br />
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<b>Reason Number 3 to buy my book:</b> Not to put too fine a point on it, but I think the title goes a long way to sell the book. I mean, who doesn't a ripping good yarn? Everybody loves a great tale, and nothing will keep you on the edges of your seat quite like landscape meditations. When I was starting to look around for my next project, I asked myself what could top my foray into 19th Century Mormon Agrarian poetry, and landscape meditations just crashed into my consciousness like a freight train. <i>Haiku, haibun, and aubades,</i> oh my! And look at that cover! I designed the color scheme myself. The book is divided by the four seasons, and I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the spin I put on them. Well, that might be pushing it a bit, but this book really does have the potential to be one of the more unique books you will read this year, if for no reason there aren't too many people writing and publishing landscape meditation these days.<br />
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There you have the first three reasons you should buy my book as soon as it becomes available. I will be back with more, even though, if you have been paying attention, are entirely superfluous. Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-28138781618406770852015-04-06T19:05:00.002-06:002015-04-06T19:14:46.149-06:00Rejected AWP PanelsIt's time again to let you in on the various AWP panel proposals I made and which were summarily rejected. Here you go:<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">1. Broet Lifestyles in Contemporary Writing: How to maintain memberships in your college fraternity while trying to write feminist-sensitive poetry.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">2. Poetry Event Drinking etiquette for the Male: How to maintain your buzz without turning into 'that guy.'</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">3. Poetry Event Drinking etiquette for the Female: How to maintain your buzz and avoid 'that guy.'</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">4. The Ego Stroke: How to garner attention and make it look unintentional (a refresher course).</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">5. How to Maintain Your Dignity After an A-List poet Asks You For Your Name For The Third Time.</span></b>Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-71705972426082363542015-04-02T10:23:00.000-06:002015-04-02T10:28:02.121-06:00Why I am [Still] Never Again Going to Submit to a Poetry Contest<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'helvetica neue', helvetica, arial, 'lucida grande', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
I have talked about this before, but I think it bears repeating her, now, April 2015, NaPoWriMo. So, hang on and respond if you care to.</div>
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Some time ago, I turned my back to the whole contest thing because of financial and other reasons. My poetry is never going to win contests and isn't going to be published by the kinds of journals or publications which most poets (myself included) dream of finding their work featured. I am okay with that. My poetry is not edgy, and it sure as hell isn't groundbreaking. For the most part I write my quiet little poems and put together my quirk-free books, hoping a few people will find them interesting enough to publish---and I have had a fair amount of relative success in doing that. What has not happened because I have turned away from the contest system is all of the following:</div>
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<b>Anxiety</b>. I no longer obsess over my e-mails or count days since I submitted a manuscript. I no longer worry about deadlines or researching presses in the hopes I might be a fit for them---something I rarely got right. </div>
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<b>Alienation</b>. Losing again and again at something doesn't just demoralize a person, it alienates them. I am not talking about giving every child a medal. I am talking about feeling I never belonged to the larger community of poets. Every time I saw my friends get mentioned or honored I felt happy for them, but I also felt further away from them because I knew I would never have that kind of success, that kind of knowledge my work had hit the mark and made a connection.</div>
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<b>Envy</b>. I am no longer jealous of people who win poetry contests.</div>
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<b>Competition</b>. I no longer worry if certain poets I admire or respect have entered the same contest as me. I can happily pass on news of contests and not wonder if I have cut my own chances for publication.</div>
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In my mind, all of these things interfere with being a poet. Now, I was careful to say <i><b>my mind, </b></i><b></b>and I mean that. My mind is not a completely rational device when it comes to this sort of thing. I have a difficult time seeing things the same way other people do, even poets. My issues have created for me a sense that I am better off, healthier without the anxiety, alienation, envy, and competition which poetry contests create in my head. Some people can handle it and some people cannot. Do I think I am the only person better off not participating in poetry contests? Absolutely not. I have met more than a few poets who are self-serving egotistical, soul-crushing stains, who do nothing to help other poets and will drain the life-force from every person they stand next to. My belief is that you have met a few of them, too, but that doesn't mean we need to convince everyone to quit entering contests.</div>
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Do I think contests serve a noble cause? Yes. Some contests enable presses the ability to publish work which might otherwise go unnoticed by the poetry community at large. Martin Scorsese said, I like to make a movie that earns a lot of money so I can turn around and make a film." A well run poetry contest makes money for the greater good, and I used to look at my entry fees as donations to the cause. Unfortunately, the four horsemen of my poetry apocalypse I mentioned above turned my good will into piles of frustration. Instead, I buy books. I buy books and I give books away. If I buy a poetry book and I like it, I put it on my shelf behind my teacher desk in my classroom. If I don't, I eventually find a new home for it. I mail it off to someone who might like it better.</div>
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Of course I cannot speak for you or any other poet. All I can tell you is how coming to terms with the sort of poetry I write and the realities of the poetry community's landscape has made me a better poet and a better person. All the best.</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-89838406065031541512015-03-27T09:41:00.000-06:002015-03-27T09:41:49.692-06:00So, now what?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">After Reading Bill Holm, Whom
I Never Met</span></div>
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Sitting at my desk reading Bill Holm, lamenting</div>
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the fact I can never write him a letter to say</div>
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I’d rather die than to think of a world without his poems.</div>
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for Hell’s sake, what am I supposed to do with them now?</div>
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I can paper the back bathroom with them, paint them</div>
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over with that shade of blue Becky likes so much,</div>
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but what good would that do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s not the same blue</div>
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as the open skies of Minnesota or Iceland, no way</div>
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to get lost in the horizon or decide on a stand of trees</div>
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in which to sit down and get drunk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what now? </div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-90469514894767461882015-03-26T10:29:00.001-06:002015-03-26T10:29:18.153-06:00I don't know why I am shouting!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-52716968680180781462015-03-09T19:19:00.002-06:002015-03-09T19:32:41.928-06:00Mama Said . . .<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">
Something strange has been happening to me over the past few months I did not expect would ever happen. I have not, as I have hoped, returned to writing poetry. </div>
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Before we get into the meat of this, let me define the parameters of what I see as not returning to poetry. In the past three years, I have written no more than a half dozen short poems worth showing to others or throwing into the submission process. This includes the haiku I posted a few days ago. I have not written anything I would consider new, and none of the few ideas I have had regarding poetry exploration (I tend to write with a manuscript in mind) have panned out. I have written the occasional book review for friends, conducted an interview, and had conversations about poetry, but no really good poems to speak of. I will admit "really good" is a relative and highly subjective term, so allow me to expand on this. I have attempted maybe a dozen poems in the past three years and completed a half dozen. </div>
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Now I know that's a half dozen poems I wouldn't have at all if not for trying. I understand that. What I am speaking of is the growing feeling I have which tells me more and more every day I need to prepare for the moment when I no longer <i>want</i> to write poetry. It's not a particularly disturbing thought, and it is entirely possible I am more upset that I am not bothered by the thought than I am at the prospect of not writing another poem.</div>
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I am no stranger to gaps and spaces in my writing life. My first poems were published in 1994, and it took another three years to see any more poems published, and then another three years to see any more poems published. Often times, when I am nearing completion of a manuscript (book or chapbook) I have a tendency to stop writing at about the 90-95% mark, and I end up struggling to get the last bit of the book finished. However, I have never gone as long as I have currently gone without doing a lot of writing or returning to writing with a new passion and a considerable amount of production. This is new.</div>
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It's a new feeling and I don't know what to make of it. I have a book coming out later this Spring and I have a completed manuscript making the rounds. Normally I would have gone through maybe 11-12 months of not writing much as a way to cope with my rebound from the struggle I have when completing a manuscript. but this has been 36 months of drips, drabs, and false-positives. Even when I was at my worst, I was still writing a lot of bad poems---yes, even bad in my eyes. </div>
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But not now. Now I am in the midst of writing the longest piece of work I have written in more than a month---and that counts a book review and a series of e-mails to a fellow poet. And I have no idea if I am even going o be able to finish this.</div>
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I have no idea why I am not writing poems. Maybe I have said everything I want to say in poetry. Maybe I do not feel I have truly resolved one or both of the above mentioned manuscripts. Maybe I am afraid to try and write because I have forgotten how to write a poem. Maybe I just have no more desire to write poetry and I am just a little stunned. I mean, everything I know about myself tells me I should be knee deep in poems trying to figure out what kind of manuscript I should be constructing. </div>
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But not now. Now I am wondering what is stopping me from writing poems---good poems, bad poems, poems which mean nothing, poems which are sure to be rejected, and possibly occasionally accepted. Instead of getting excited about which journals I would love my poems to appear in, I am questioning whether I ever want to bother submitting another poem---ever. </div>
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Now for the thing of which I am most frightened. I don't know if I have the energy or desire to do <i>anything</i> creative. Not only do I not know what that might look like for me, I don't even know what direction to look. I simply do not care and I simply don't have any idea what might spark my creativity again.</div>
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I can say that if I do end up returning to poetry in a relatively short time, I doubt I will bother with submitting or even sharing with too many people. I will still buy books and read poetry, but I doubt I will write too many reviews in the near future. And those things might change, too, depending on what else changes for me in the future. </div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-12898588003694386122015-02-15T15:00:00.003-07:002015-02-15T15:03:01.294-07:00Philip Levine: Influence from the Peripheral<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
"Let me give you a little piece of advice about publishing. If you can live without publishing—that is if you don't have a job that depends upon publishing—then just wait as long as you can. Wait as long as possible... until you're thirty,thirty-five. And don't publish all that crap, and don't get involved in that whole world of connections and ass-kissing, networking and all that shit. Stay away from it. Meet some people who care about poetry the way you do. You'll have that readership. Keep going until you know you're doing work that's worthy. And then see what happens. That's my advice." <b>-- Philip Levine</b><br />
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Thanks to Sam Hamill for posting this quote and reminding me of this great advice.</div>
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My first chapbook came out when I was 35 years old, in 2005. I am not saying it was great or wonderful, or that any of my poetry will ever be great or wonderful to anyone besides myself,but I do know this: My poetry was better for taking longer to get out into the world. It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way, but when I came across this, I immediately knew Levine was telling the truth. I am heading into what I feel to be the third phase of my writing life, not having written more than half a dozen poems I am willing to let other people read. I am just fine with that because I know what Philip Levine said is true. Waiting is the greatest thing we can do for our poems. Wait to write them, wait to revise them, and wait until they are ready before sending them out into the world. </div>
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In an interview with a poetry journal, I gave the following advice when asked about publishing:</div>
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<i>Of course every poet’s advice to other poets has the universal caveat of what I know is based upon my own experiences, and as such should also be universally ignored. With that in mind, these are some of the things I have learned over the course of my very fortunate publishing life.<br /><br />First, write because you love it, not because you want to get published. As writers we all want to share our words with others,but if you allow yourself to become obsessed with getting a book published, you will expend a tremendous amount of energy worrying about something for which you have very little control. It is best to expend that energy on making your manuscript the best it can be. I am not saying you shouldn’t seek publication, just don’t be wasteful with your energy.<br /><br />And it is work. Never let anyone tell you what you do is notwork. You have to believe in your manuscript. You have to forgive and ignore the ignorance your friends and family might express,dismissing your work as a mere hobby. They will not understand the very real emotional connection you have with not only the work you create, butt he process by which you create it. The public acknowledgement a book represents is powerful, but it will mean nothing if the only reason you want a book is to show it off. If you are a serious writer, the books will come in time. Overnight success only takes ten years. </i> <i><br /></i><br />
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I was never a conscious disciple of Philip Levine. I enjoy his poetry and I have two of his books (one of my first serious attempts at writing poetry was an imitation of his poem, "You Can Have it") but it will probably be a long time before I can fully appreciate the impact his work has upon my own. I have trouble identifying the fingerprints of poets on my life whom I do not know personally---I simply do not think in those terms. I can say I was happy to learn when he was named Poet-Laureate, and knew it was a marvelous choice. I was sad when I learned several years ago he actually had to make a public request that his students stop asking for letters of recommendation. That sort of thing is not an embarrassment of riches, it is a sad commentary on what too many poets think what a life in poetry should be.</div>
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What's left? The poems---those Philip Levine leaves behind for all of us and the poems we all have yet to write because of what he taught all of us. A pretty great legacy.</div>
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<b><u>You Can Have It</u></b></div>
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by Philip Levine</div>
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My brother comes home from work<br />
and climbs the stairs to our room.<br />
I can hear the bed groan and his shoes drop<br />
one by one. You can have it, he says.</div>
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The moonlight streams in the window<br />
and his unshaven face is whitened<br />
like the face of the moon. He will sleep<br />
long after noon and waken to find me gone.</div>
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Thirty years will pass before I remember<br />
that moment when suddenly I knew each man<br />
has one brother who dies when he sleeps<br />
and sleeps when he rises to face this life,</div>
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and that together they are only one man<br />
sharing a heart that always labors, hands<br />
yellowed and cracked, a mouth that gasps<br />
for breath and asks, Am I gonna make it?</div>
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All night at the ice plant he had fed<br />
the chute its silvery blocks, and then I<br />
stacked cases of orange soda for the children<br />
of Kentucky, one gray boxcar at a time</div>
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with always two more waiting. We were twenty<br />
for such a short time and always in<br />
the wrong clothes, crusted with dirt<br />
and sweat. I think now we were never twenty.</div>
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In 1948 in the city of Detroit, founded<br />
by de la Mothe Cadillac for the distant purposes<br />
of Henry Ford, no one wakened or died,<br />
no one walked the streets or stoked a furnace,</div>
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for there was no such year, and now<br />
that year has fallen off all the old newspapers,<br />
calendars, doctors' appointments, bonds,<br />
wedding certificates, drivers licenses.</div>
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The city slept. The snow turned to ice.<br />
The ice to standing pools or rivers<br />
racing in the gutters. Then bright grass rose<br />
between the thousands of cracked squares,</div>
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and that grass died. I give you back 1948.<br />
I give you all the years from then<br />
to the coming one. Give me back the moon<br />
with its frail light falling across a face.</div>
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Give me back my young brother, hard<br />
and furious, with wide shoulders and a curse<br />
for God and burning eyes that look upon<br />
all creation and say, You can have it. </div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-341315142882338882015-01-23T14:55:00.001-07:002015-01-23T15:04:06.207-07:00Book Review: John Gallaher's In A Landscape<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack" style="background-color: transparent;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"><i>In A
Landscape</i></a></i></div>
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John Gallaher</div>
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128 pp., BOA Editions,
ltd.</div>
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ISBN: 978-1-938160-50-9</div>
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$16.00</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD-zXVt6nLVTTFK78Wo3jmRfpb8ZXo0PrQkMy5hCW4-X-05ZICBBg3xGiqdtEiMStJwjA08jD3cs-Dk96dV7yo7a9t14UtgKpsITElK3HcuqrTLgHqXZXa8HR-kvA4fqhDiuZ8yZI5e-U/s1600/land+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD-zXVt6nLVTTFK78Wo3jmRfpb8ZXo0PrQkMy5hCW4-X-05ZICBBg3xGiqdtEiMStJwjA08jD3cs-Dk96dV7yo7a9t14UtgKpsITElK3HcuqrTLgHqXZXa8HR-kvA4fqhDiuZ8yZI5e-U/s1600/land+cover.jpg" /></a>If I may, I will be so bold as to offer this declaration as my opening thought for my
review: <i>In A Landscape</i>, by John
Gallaher, is one of <i>those</i> books. You know―it’s one of those books which picks
you up from the earth’s gravity and sets you aimlessly afloat. Gallaher starts talking to you with what
initially comes off as unfocused or circumstantial thoughts, but soon reveals
itself as having an agenda. Most readers
want books (particularly poetry books) to shove them in some familiar direction
so they will at least be able to find their way home, and that’s a shame. To quote some lyrics as Gallaher does from
time to time, there is “beauty in the breakdown.” Zachary Schomburg’s <i>Scary, No Scary</i> lives in the realm of
the semi-conscious, and so does <i>In A
Landscape</i>. Gallaher uses a different
strategy (informal conversation) but the effect is the same. <i>In A
Landscape</i> deceptively asks all sorts of questions and does not take the
easy way out by giving the reader any simple answers. There are perhaps answers
for Gallaher, and even you if you are willing to think about the questions long
enough, but therein lies the work set out with this stunning poem.</div>
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The
physical scope of the book can be seen as an obstacle, but it soon becomes
apparent to the reader there is purpose and function built into the form. It appears in my mind as an endless and
almost seamless series of fences in a Home Owner’s Association, mimicking the
anonymity of the suburban landscape while the book attempts to mask its poetry
in an almost prosaic display of long lines and thick stanzas. Why is it essential? The questions in the book are hidden,
embedded into the fabric of conversation and they demand that the reader step
into the ether to find them. Certainly
the important questions can be asked in a more direct and obvious way, but the
beauty of this book is that both questions and answers are discovered in
incidental and almost accidental ways. </div>
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The
book takes the form of a long conversation.
Part Socratic method, and part Hegelian dialectic, Gallaher goes about
the long and complicated process of trying to discover what is essential. When beginning the book, one might feel as if
entering the process <i>in media res</i>,
joining a conversation already in progress.
In some ways I am sure, Gallaher has been having this conversation with
himself for years and is now asking us to join in the discussion. The book demands a different kind of
attention because each poem/section is numerical in nature, and the reader
cannot simply identify any of the poems by title. One cannot simply skip to a poem which differently
structured or unique in appearance. The
reader must start and continue on if any sense is to be made of this book. This
requirement mirrors one of the central themes of the book. I for one believe it to be a worthwhile
endeavor. This is another level of
anonymity which can be unsettling, but ultimately makes for a better reading
experience. </div>
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Gallaher
picks open his life at the seams and shares with the reader (by way of personal
history and recollection) his doubts, questions, and musings regarding how a
person gets from point A to point B. We
learn about Gallaher’s life, who plainly admits this book is factual, and we
learn about ourselves because it is only natural to be sympathetic and have
empathy for the many things he tells us by searching our own lives. He examines the impact events have upon his
life and appears at times to want a plot to emerge from a world he knows to be
void of anything resembling plot. Sewn
into the book are dozens of tiny epiphanies; moments of stark realization which
deliver themselves like pin-pricks to the brain. Gallaher is also quite adept with his timing
of these moments. He jumps ahead and
revisits themes from earlier sections with stunning precision, somehow reading
the mind of the reader. Gallaher always
knows what topic to speak to next and what part of the reader to address.</div>
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One
of the biggest discoveries I personally made as I read the book was there
seemed to be an undercurrent of unsettling or lingering doubt about all of the
really big questions. Eventually I came
to believe the book is asking this single question: “Knowing all we know, how do we carry
on?” At every turn, Gallaher seems to be
asking that question for all of us.
Detailing experiences which are big and small, seemingly random and at
times frightening in their connectivity.
If poetry was the world of quantum mechanics, or quantum theory was
perhaps meant to be expressed through poetry, I would gladly hail <i>In A Landscape</i> as one of the more
elegant theories of how the universe operates.</div>
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Ultimately,
<i>In A Landscape</i> asks us to join in the
conversation. We may not be able to make
any predictions regarding our own lives, but we can be reassured we are not the
alone in what we fear and the questions we ask.
There is hope in these pages, and it is the kind of hope which is
lasting, because it did not take any short cuts and it did not shy away from
the difficult truths. John Gallaher has
given us a jumping off point which is worthy of our time and our collaboration.</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-86557684793130788402014-11-11T10:56:00.001-07:002014-11-12T12:00:58.088-07:00Mormons Don't Care about Political Party Affiliation<div class="MsoNormal">
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Mormons are just fine with differences of political
opinion---so long as your views are conservative. They don't care if you are a member of the
GOP, a full blown Libertarian, voted for Ross Perot, or even if you campaigned
for Bo Gritz. </div>
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That's right. I am
referring to the Bishop Paredes, who recently <a href="http://www.jewishjournal.com/jews_and_mormons/item/good_riddance_to_harry_reid_the_mormon_senate_leader">wrote about my senator</a> (I live in
Nevada) Harry Reid, basically sharing his opinion as a Bishop of the Mormon
Church, that he found it difficult to accept Harry Reid could be a Mormon in
good standing. As a Mormon (though to
meet full disclosure I must admit I am an inactive Mormon) who is also a
liberal, I am annoyed at this comment, but I am not surprised or offended. I am not offended because I know too many
Mormons who are hypocrites to continue to be offended by seeing exactly what I
already knew about them.</div>
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I am saying this on Veteran's Day for two very specific
reasons. </div>
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1. This is a
political post about Mormons and their perceptions, and as a liberal Mormon I
have something to say about this.</div>
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2. As a liberal
veteran, I break the mold yet again. </div>
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Again for the record, I was a liberal Mormon long before I
became inactive, and my inactivity has nothing to do with my politics. </div>
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You see, Mormons are a special breed. On a cultural level, Mormons do some pretty
strange things. They classify most of
the world's population into two categories.
There are Mormons and Jews, and there are Gentiles, which consists of
everyone else. Yes, Mormons consider
themselves a strange and peculiar people, right along with the Jewish people of
the world. What? Do you think it an accident the original
article written by Bishop Paredes was on The Jewish Journal?</div>
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Mormons also claim the Church does not direct any of its
members towards any specific political affiliation, which is true. You will hear it again and again. The Church encourages participation in the
political process without ever once endorsing any specific political
party. I even grew up in an era where
you would never hear anything political spoken from the pulpit, though the
debate over gay marriage ended that.
And though the Mormon Church does not espouse (see what I did there) any
specific political party, it bleeds and sweats conservatism. Liberal Mormons are rare, and as
such, Bishop Paredes could not contain his exultation when one lost his
leadership role in the U.S. Senate.</div>
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I opened with the fact that most Mormons don't care which
political party you belong to, so long as it is conservative. I stand by that and I dare any Mormon to
challenge the truth of that statement. I
have seen from people I know personally, unspecified contests conducted to see who can run
to the right faster and harder than the other Mormons they know. And believe me when I tell you it gets pretty
frightening. I have debated toe-to-toe
with some of these people, pointed out the hypocrisy of the GOP, only to have
them retreat to the all-too-familiar trope, "Well, it's all politicians,
not just Republicans." You see, one
of the great truths of Mormon conservatism is that while 95% of Mormon
conservatives vote a straight ticket with the Republican Party, you will never
get more than half of them to say they are Republicans. They will swear oaths to affirm they are
staunch independents or libertarians.
But try asking them to mane one non-GOP issue they disagree with and
they will go blank, blink, gulp for air like a carp, and then say they don't
think the GOP goes far enough to preserve gun rights or eliminate the capital
gains tax. </div>
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Another dirty secret: Most Mormons don't really hate
President Obama. They are actually happy
to see him be president. No,
really. Most Mormon' anti-Obama
sentiments are a knee-jerk reaction, rooted deeply in the historic racism of
the Church's history and its people. Not
to mention the firm doctrinal belief they are waiting for the historical moment
when the U.S. Constitution is 'hanging
by a thread,' when a Mormon will save the nation from its own demise. That's why so many Mormons had such a hard-on
for Mitt Romney. They just forgot about
subjectivity. Depending on who you talk
to, The U.S. Constitution has been 'hanging by a thread' for most of our
nation's history.</div>
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I grew up in Utah, so I understand Bishop Paredes'
disconnect. Not his political
disconnect, mind you, but his inability to comprehend the liberal
position. I am okay with people
disagreeing with my politics. I think
the debate needs to happen. I actually
believe it's healthy for the political process.
However, I am a liberal Mormon, and as such I have no choice to accept
the other side's legitimacy. The problem
Bishop Paredes and his ilk have is they use their group-think mentality to
collectively erase any part of cognition which might allow for the liberal
philosophy to have any legitimate basis.
They claim the reason they do not accept liberalism as legitimate is
that the liberal ideology has shifted so much it has corrupted all of its
original tenets. They say this with a
straight face, too. Irony is not a
strong card for conservatives, and even less of one for Mormons. They have all but forgotten Richard Nixon
signed into law the EPA, that the tax rate during Eisenhower's Presidentcy was
92%, and that Ronald Reagan was in favor of reasonable gun control
measures. Remind any Mormon of that, and
they will most likely tell you they are more of a "conservative
independent" than Republican. </div>
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One final example before I leave you to your day:</div>
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Mormons are a little shaky on regular history of the 19th
Century. Mormon History and Utah history
they have in spades, but general U.S. or World history of the 19th Century are
real blind spots for Mormons. Ask a
Mormon about the Second Great Awakening and you will get the Joseph Smith
Story. Ask about the Bill of Rights in
the 19th Century and you will hear dozens of "true" stories about
Mormon persecution. Ask about Westward
expansion and you will get more stories about Mormons trying to get to Zion,
complete with hardships and fortitude. Ask
them how immigrants fared during the Gilded Age (1875-1900) and you will get
stories about Mormons immigrating' to and settling different parts of Utah.</div>
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One of the many charges leveled against me is that I am a
communist or a socialist or some kind of Socialistic Fascist, though I am still
trying to figure out how that is possible, seeing the goal of socialism is the
dissolution of government and fascism is the strengthening of government. Ask your conservative Mormon friends about
the Law of Consecration. Then ask them
to explain the difference between The law of Consecration and Socialism. After they tell you that the Law of
Consecration is based on voluntary participation (as mandated by The Mormon
Church), ask them the same question again, because there is no real
difference. Ask about Collectivism and
the myriad of Utopian efforts during the 19th Century, and Mormons will look at
you because all they know is that mean people did their best to stop Mormons
from being able to live their lives in peace or as a Utopian collective. Ask them to read up on the popularity of Utopian
movements in America during early to mid 1800's which helped inspire the
mechanics (if not the doctrine itself) of The Law of Consecration. But because
I believe in universal health care for all Americans, I'm some kind of Commie
Bastard. </div>
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Now, of course Bishop Paredes apologized for the appearance
that what he had to say had any real connection to his being a Bishop and that
connection having anything to do with temple worthiness. For those who are wondering about that, I
will tell you it's business as usual.
There are a lot of Mormons who simply have an embarrassing level of hubris when anything related to or even
peripherally associated with theology.
They simply lack the ability to comprehend how anyone can see the world
differently. In that regard, they are a
strange and peculiar people. </div>
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Of course I will come under fire from some Mormon for saying these things. Not much, as mine is not a popular blog, but some. To those people, feel free to share your anger and outrage. Feel free to comment and to rail against my position. Accuse me of generalizing, exaggerating, and perpetuating stereotypes. Do whatever helps you sleep at night.</div>
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Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-79937981444464030172014-11-02T09:41:00.002-07:002014-11-07T20:04:56.344-07:00A Draft with Theories<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Gone</span></div>
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The above is a first draft of a poem I wrote last week. It's the first poem I have written in a long time, and it's riddled with problems. Chief among them, I have no idea how to end the poem. It's not so simple as stop writing words. I cannot see the ending like I am so used to with my poetry---or have had with most of my poems up to this point. This is the furthest any of my poems have gone without an ending. Ever. I have absolutely no idea what to do with this poem except for one very real, very physical truth---I need to finish it.</div>
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This poem is a very real microcosm for my life as a writer. Some of these things will be recognized by a regular reader of this blog.</div>
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1. When I have begun to write a manuscript (that moment when I know what a book is going to be about) I become singularly focused on the book and everything I write is going to be related in some way to that manuscript.</div>
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2. When I get 90% finished with a manuscript, I lose interest in what I am writing and begin to use my energy to write other things, desperately searching for some kind of escape from what I am supposed to be working on, and unfortunately that last 10% includes proofreading and the final tweaks of grammar, punctuation, and syntax. </div>
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3. I cannot commit to new work until I 'feel' the work of the current manuscript is complete.</div>
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4. I cannot write anything new until I genuinely panic as a result of not having written anything new for far too long.</div>
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I have such a manuscript which is as finished as I can make it---it is a sort of 'greatest his' from my chapbooks and similar themed/voiced poems. It was a safe bet at the time. I was 90% finished with a landscape meditations book I had been working on for a year or so. I was completing it and was sending it off to Aldrich Press, who did in fact accept it for publication. The advantage of this evil plan of mine was that most of the poems were already finished, already proofed and ready to go. I would create manuscript of older poems and I would be able to work on my landscape meditations book in random down time moments and not feel guilty about not writing anything new. I was to distract my brain and subvert my usual pattern of anxiety and panic. My plan was working, too. </div>
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Well, I thought it was working, but a funny thing happened on the way to the trash can. I began taking the fake manuscript seriously, actually investing energy and creativity above and beyond what I wanted. I actually started to see real potential in this manuscript of mine, and my focus shifted to it rather than to writing new poems. Oh, lots of false starts and attempts to return to previous and somewhat successful themes happened, but nothing solid, nothing which made me take notice. I have accepted the direction my writing has taken over the past 20 years of my writing life. I write in books rather than individual poems. What I might think of as being individual poems mostly turn out to be poems which fit, at the furthest, on the periphery of book manuscripts. </div>
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Over the course of the past 20 years I have become better at spotting the patterns and themes of my writing, which is of some comfort to me, but I have not ever lost the panic I experience between manuscripts, between creative bursts. In 2005, my first chapbook was published. I had been living with that manuscript for so long inside a black hole of an editor who refused to communicate, it was easy to move on and write more poetry. I knew I needed to write more because the poems from that first chapbook were going to be the core of my first book. Completing that first full length book and getting it accepted was six years in the making. Ever since that long wait for publication, I have had a backlog of poems and manuscripts. By the time the full length book came out in 2011, I had written two chapbooks worth of poetry, another full length manuscript , and begun another full length manuscript. </div>
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Working on all of those books in such short order helped to alleviate the anxiety and panic, but having finished with all of that, I sat down and realized I was, with my landscape meditation book, simply gathering 14 years of work together. I was writing very little new work specifically for the book. Most of what I was doing was re-imagining work already completed. Don't get me wrong. I sincerely love the landscape meditations book. I think it is some of my best, and certainly most mature work. I just know it has been far too long since I have had any new ideas for a book, and as a result, I have begun to panic. </div>
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Another chapter: In 2012 some friends of mine started a band (<a href="http://intravenusandthecosmonauts.com/">Intra-Venus & the Cosmonauts</a>) and they asked me to be their lyrical collaborator for songs and projects. I was happy to oblige, and while I originally thought this might be a fun outing, I have since experienced quite the learning curve. I think this is where some of my creative energy has gone, and with their first album coming out in December, I may have actually transferred my process into this timeline. I might be waiting until the album is released before I release my brain to once again write. They have asked me for more songs and I have a few ideas but yet to be able to follow through with any complete thoughts in the forms of song. <br />
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I am also teaching a creative writing class this year. The class, I thought, would push me to write more, but it's a wash. I am spending very little of my time writing poems of my own and a lot of time trying to get my students to leave the literal world behind. It's a strange endeavor. On the one hand the class is entirely voluntary, but on the other, I have to keep reminding myself they do not have the same priorities as I do when it comes to writing. I spend a lot of energy trying to teach craft and creativity which instead of inspiring my own writing (what usually happens when I am busy) I find myself simply reading more. Not a wasted endeavor at all, but I would like to be writing more, too.</div>
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That brings me full circle to the above poem and what I should do with it. I feel an urgency to finish it, to make the attempt, but I have no earthly (or other) ideas as how to do that. I don't know if I need to prune the poem, make it longer, re-write what I already have, or call it finished as is. My usual ability to finish a first draft relatively fast is not with me right now, and that bothers me. Usually, if a poem is going to fall apart on me it is going to happen much earlier in the process. I have no clue and I don't like it at all.</div>
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I know a lot of what I am saying doesn't make sense and it feels like I lack gratitude for what I already have accomplished. For that I am sorry. I am merely trying to address my confusion. I have never written a poem like this one and I am not sure of what I should make of it. I know the draft is not finished and that's about all I know. I hope the poem shows promise and I hope it does not fade away. I'd like to see if it has the potential to outlast its current incarnation.</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-55669667256850797042014-10-22T10:46:00.001-06:002014-10-22T10:46:16.130-06:00It's always sunny in Poetryville, right?So I've been working on two manuscripts these days. I have been trying my best to proof and tighten my book of landscape meditation before things get serious early next year. I have been tweaking it and questioning my grammatical choices, just like a real poet might. But I have also been trying to put together and prepare to submit another book of poetry, this one not nearly as quiet, not nearly as introspective. It's this work of the two manuscripts which is stopping me from writing new poetry on a regular basis.<br />
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I have, for all my life as a poet, been plagued with an obsession of <i>completeness</i> and <i>being finished</i>. I literally cannot move on until I have convinced my brain the job is done. That in itself is not a bad thing to have. I may never be considered one of the great poets (and believe me when I say giving up that fantasy was the hardest week I have had in 2014 so far) but that's not the only trait I have when it comes to my writing. I am also invariably led astray somewhere around the 90%. What exactly does that mean? When I get about 90% finished with a manuscript, I lose interest in it and I want to work on other things---other poems and other poem cycles. <br />
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So the position I find myself in right now is both strange and terrifying. I have over the past decade experienced some amazing success as a poet---four chapbooks, three full length books of poetry published, another accepted for publication, and another in the wings waiting to enter into the submission process. New poetry? Not so much. This is difficult for me because of several things. <br />
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1. I am a firm believer in the idea: It's not what you have <i>written</i>, but what you are <i>writing</i>. I am not writing new poems and it has been a long time since I have. <br />
2. I am 45, and like it or not, I also acknowledge my creativity is not what it used to be. I am getting better at craft, but I am getting worse at the creative thinking which makes my poems possible. <br />
3. The new poems I did write some time ago have been universally rejected time and again. I don't know why, but it has been another multi-year stretch without any acceptances. <br />
4. I have apparently burned a lot of bridges in the poetry community, with my many annoying AS traits. I desperately want to belong to a community which my personality alienates more with each of my interactions.* <br />
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The only real thread of hope I have in all of this is that I have a habit of not writing for long stretches of time and only really get back into writing new poetry when I have sufficiently panicked. Well, I think it's safe to say I am panicking. All of the material in the two manuscripts I have mentioned is old, and I want to create something new. After my landscape meditation manuscript is in book form, there is no guarantee the other manuscript will ever get accepted for publication. I know that. It's part of the game, but if it takes another two or three years of doing my best to get it accepted, that is another two or three years I will be convinced I am not ready to write anything new. That bothers me. <br />
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So I am left with working with two manuscripts---neither of which holds my interest like they should, and each serving as a roadblock to new writing and creativity. Welcome to my neighborhood. <br />
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* For clarification, I misread a lot of things because of my AS, but I have as of late felt less a part of the poetry community. Whether that is because of my annoying obsessions and poor communication skills, I do not know, but my feelings are none-the-less genuine on the matter. Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-3143408068526038392014-07-31T13:22:00.000-06:002014-08-02T08:37:38.741-06:00Book Review: Jon D. Lee These Around Us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDMZ_vEI9edqXnl_gILhIfzFq6GRZbZo14sN9WrQykJ_DEnrRd1-ZtWYZ2El3V-RpBgL4Q5Zsh8cbjYWclLY0NiDCtTNpsHeAbXrfnI1nh9O_m5SoNbWR-XMusl-r_8wFRpyrk5QU0DgA/s1600/these+around+us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDMZ_vEI9edqXnl_gILhIfzFq6GRZbZo14sN9WrQykJ_DEnrRd1-ZtWYZ2El3V-RpBgL4Q5Zsh8cbjYWclLY0NiDCtTNpsHeAbXrfnI1nh9O_m5SoNbWR-XMusl-r_8wFRpyrk5QU0DgA/s1600/these+around+us.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<i>These Around Us</i><br />
Jon D. Lee<br />
96 pp., Aldrich Press<br />
ISBN 13: 978-0692233566<br />
$17.00<br />
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Eight years is a long time to wait for a second book of poem from a poet you admire, but most times you can take comfort knowing that the wait will be worth it. Jon Lee's second collection of poems, <i>These Around Us,</i> certainly delivers on that promise. It is a well written book of poems dedicated to the domestic life of a young writer and teacher. The poems are biographical enough to spark the reader's curiosity and honest enough to leave no doubt of their essential truth. <br />
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Before I continue, I want to disclose I know Jon in person (outside of the internets). We were in a summer course (Shakespeare's Histories & Comedies) at the same college a long time ago, and I have on occasion published and even solicited poems from him for <i>Hobble Creek Review</i>. None-the-less, this review is written because I genuinely love this book of poems on several levels. <br />
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The first thing I noticed when reading this new book is Lee's subtle humor. I mean this book opens with a brilliant landscape meditation, which I will always love, but that's not want I was most looking forward to when I picked up this book. Lee's poems about fatherhood and the professional life of a teacher and poet are sharp as they come; the undercurrent of humor is spot on every time. Lee's humor is not broad, nor does it seek out the lowest common denominator. The humor in this book, and that of his first book, are precise and observational. Lee doesn't make you labor too much for the joke, but he demands you pay attention. Take for example "The Parent's Credo" here in its glorious audio, read by Lee himself:<br />
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With a structure adapted from Christopher Smart, we are treated to the unique perspective from which Lee sees the world. This poem works because it takes the sentimentality of parenthood and mashes it with the absurd reality every parent knows to be true. Lee applies this humor to every facet of his life: His marriage, his work, and his familial relationships. By pointing out the absurd to us, he draws us and lets us know everything will be okay, because we all go through the same things and we all have a much larger common ground than we believed before reading these poems.<br />
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The poems here do something else which is of vital importance. They dispel the idea that family must (or usually does) take a backseat to a poet and his art. Lee is a poet, but these poems are about his marriage, his family, and his career. The poems, as they get more personal, become layered and more powerful. With many other male poets I read, I get the sense they speak of the domestic aspects of their life as merely one facet of their lives, and the information they give us is merely incidental. In Lee's poems, you do not get that sense. His poems center around his domestic life because his domesticity is the center core of his being. That, to me, is the mark of a real poet. Not that all poets should write about their family, but that a poet should take what is essential, critical, most relevant and make art from that, not feeling it necessary to seek out some artifice or foreign structure to create poetry. Lee is at home with his daily life, and there is no sideshow to distract you. Everything you see is everything he is. Interspersed throughout the book are small, fragmentary poems, dedicated to his wife. Here is one of my favorites:<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">For Lynette, With Love (VI)</span></b><br />
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<b>in the white heart of winter</b><br />
<b>when even the sugarblood</b><br />
<b>of tree and bush</b><br />
<b>cease its languid</b><br />
<b>spill and thump</b><br />
<b>I ask only</b><br />
<b>for the fever of your breath </b><br />
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One of my favorite poems from the collection, "Newtown," is particularly powerful. It is powerful because it claims its status as an elegy without once taking a political stance. It merely (such a misleading term for this poem) focuses on the relationship between father and son. In fact, it is the lack of politics which forces the reader to interact with the poem and refuses dismissal. It is a poem I at once love and envy, too. When I first read the poem I immediately read the poem again.<br />
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To be honest, I have no idea how to effectively end this mini-review. I will try to end it with a list of things I know.<br />
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1. I know <i>These Around Us</i> is a fine follow up to Lee's first book, <i>Ode To Brian: the long season</i>---you should get both books to know what I am talking about.<br />
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2. I know more than a few poems in this book are poems I wish I could have written.<br />
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3. The poems in this book offer depth, humor, wonderful insight, and voice.<br />
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4. In Robert Hodgson Van Wagoner's words, these poems are 'disarmingly intimate,' and that is something I both agree with and know we could all use more of in our lives.<br />
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5. I know this is a book I will return to often.Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-37346912563102220362014-07-25T10:39:00.002-06:002014-07-25T10:44:18.367-06:00Addendum from HellYesterday as I was writing my little post about how I perceive the literary world through the lens of my AS, I kept cutting myself short because, well because I have an almost compulsory need to explain myself <i>ad nauseum</i>. So, that I am here this morning talking more about all of this should not be a huge surprise. I certainly saw it coming.<br />
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First, I want to thank those who took the time to read yesterday's post and made comment. It really does put off a lot of the frustration i feel on a regular basis over the idea I might be saying things and being brushed off. I would also like to thank Shaindel Beers for pointing me in the direction of another writer with AS a few posts earlier. I wrote to her, and even though I have not heard back (after all, the prospects of dealing with another AS writer is not always a pleasant thought) I am certainly open to the idea of seeking out other writers with AS from time to time to see what's what.<br />
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I do not feel at all upset about piggy-backing on my last post so quickly because this will actually begin the discussion of what I said I was going to talk about---my <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia">Alexithymia</a>, and how it affects my writing. But more about that in a later post. Right now I need to stay on topic and talk about what I started with.<br />
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I want to add another number to the list of things I talked about. I want to go into a little more depth with actual Poetry Business. What follows are a few examples, illustrations made with the best of my ability, to show you what I feel like when poetry business happens. And when over 100 of your Facebook friends are poets, you tend to get a lot of this news all of the time. <br />
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The Poetry Editor for <i>The New England Review</i>, C. Dale Young, is stepping down after almost 20 years of holding that position. I know C. Dale in the Facebook way you might know someone. I have spoken with C. Dale, posted on his thread, e-mailed him a few times regarding certain issues which have come up over the years, and he has been kind enough to take me seriously when things were serious and joke with me when things are funny. Now, this is not about C. Dale, but he is part of this first example. <br />
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When C. Dale made his announcement today who would be replacing him, it wasn't all of a sudden made real for me---I didn't freak out about who or that it was really happening, I freaked out over something entirely different. I freaked out at how everyone was talking about the announcement, how speculation began with a poet innocently asking if anyone knew who the new editor was and all of the 'knowing' and 'wink wink' talk which ensued. Are they a secret cabal of poets who, like the Illuminati, are moving towards world domination? No. Absolutely not. But my brain started to review the entire list of reasons why I will never be a <i>real</i> poet and this . . . this latest discussion of who is in the know and who is decidedly not, is just the latest piece to the puzzle of why I cannot get to Poet Island with all of the other poets.<br />
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The next example is a result of the North Carolina Governor naming a self-published poet as Poet Laureate. From everything I read, at least half the anger directed at the governor was not aimed at selecting a poet who was talented enough to properly represent the state, but that he had, in true Neo-Conservative/Tea Party Bully tactics, appointed said poet without consulting the North Carolina Arts Council and picking a poet from their short list. To me that screams elitism and idiocy. To me, if the governor of a state has the right to appoint the Poet Laureate all on his own, then you get what you get. Do I think the poet in question should have been named? Probably not, but so much of the poetry community's outrage was aimed at the process, leaving the spirit of poetry to choke and gasp. <br />
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Finally (well, not really, but this is all I am going to share), my focus, or special interests affect my writing, and when I write, I tend to write about the same thing for extended periods. I write about something until the wheels fall off. While this might be a good thing because it helps with my book manuscripts being more than just a gathering of poems, it means editors get really tired of reading what I send them as a matter of course, and what I tend to focus on has usually ended up being, for lack of a better phrase, outside of the general realm of popularity. <br />
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Take for example my romp into the realm of <i>ars poetica</i>. Everyone loves the occasional <i>ars poetica</i> poem, a poem which turns poetry or the poetry world on its ear, and I would get a lot of poems published. Problem? Nobody wants to look at an entire manuscript of them. I was very lucky to get two chapbook manuscripts of them published by Foothills Publishing. Another problem? I am about 15 poems away from having enough poetry to make for a really great full length manuscript, but my focus has shifted and I can't for the life of me write another decent <i>ars poetica</i> poem. It's all landscape meditation and 19th Century Mormon Agrarian poetry, which as you can imagine, wows all of the editors.<br />
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That's quite enough for now. I sure feel better. How about you?<br />
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<br />Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-26094183776228524222014-07-24T19:37:00.001-06:002014-07-24T19:53:10.154-06:00StupidityYesterday I tried to do something really stupid. I tried to explain to you what the Poetry Business looks and feels like fro someone who has Asperger's Syndrome (AS). Hubris? Perhaps. But I don't think it was stupid because such a thing can't be done, or that you wouldn't be able to see what I was trying to say, but because I knew I would get lost within my own narrative and lose track of what I was trying to say. And that's exactly what happened. I kept talking about things which had no bearing (except for me) on the point at hand. Well, I will try to keep this much shorter and subject specific.<br />
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1. <b>Everyone but me is cool.</b> You all have a secret handshake and I will never learn it. I will always feel like an outsider and that is why a lot of you probably think I am trying way too hard to convince you I belong and that is why I will always try too hard to make you think I belong with all of you. It is why I will always talk too much and it is why I will only occasionally be able to tell when I am beginning to wear out my welcome with any of you. The overwhelming perception I have of you is that you are just being nice to the slow kid. And believe me when I tell you the existence of so many MFA programs causes me no end of grief. Don't even get me started on AWP. It's at the point where I just need to go away for 30 days before and 30 days after just to maintain my sanity.<br />
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2. <b>Every time somebody neglects to meet a deadline, I freak out.</b> I mean every time. It's not your fault at all, but when someone tells me they will e-mail me by Tuesday with notes or an answer and that doesn't happen, I panic. I mean, you said you were going to give me a blurb in a month, and that month ended yesterday. <i>Where is my blurb? Did you forget? Are you avoiding me? Did something terrible happen to you?</i> The weird thing is when someone says to me, "It will be a while. I'll get back to you as soon as I can," everything is great. That will keep me calm for months at a time. I don't know why that is, but it is. It's why you have probably received some stupid e-mail from me asking about the status of something you thought wasn't that big of a deal. Please accept my apology.<br />
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3. <b>I have no idea why you don't share my warped sense of <i>quid pro quo</i>.</b> Oh, I am sure all of you have some sense of fair play and helping out other poets when you can, but I am genuinely puzzled not a single one of you sees this practice of supporting your fellow artists the EXACT SAME WAY I DO. I mean, my way is the best and it makes perfect sense, so why aren't you on board. I am not talking about your specific support of me, either. I am talking about how you do things differently than me. It's as simple as that. You don't support the poets in the writing community the way I do, and that's just weird. Why don't you review your friends' books on your blog and on your Tumblr pages---even informally? Why don't you take a picture of <u>all</u> the books of friends you buy and post them on Facebook? Don't you want your friends to succeed?<br />
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The worst part of this is my AS makes me think irrational thoughts, gets me to believe you are all consciously doing these things to me. You know I want to be a part of your world and you are making sure there are too many roadblocks for me to get from where I am to where you are. Even a year ago I had no idea why I believed that about all of you, but now I do, and I want to apologize for allowing all of those irrational thoughts getting in the way of honest relationships and letting them affect our interactions.<br />
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Next time I will talk about my Alexithymia, and how that little slice of heaven plays with my writing.Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3225335162150091875.post-53026065094901166032014-07-08T09:15:00.003-06:002014-07-08T11:57:00.738-06:00The importance of helping money meet the artsI want to say something about the nature of art and the importance of supporting art with money. Most of the people who will read this are either people I know in real life or are poets I know from around the internets. In either event, I am still talking about how important it is to support art wit money, and this message is for you.<br />
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I happen to be fortunate enough to work with a group of guys who are in a rock and roll band. That band?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_v8W9necpwsWaDiakurmsiMw-LTLHVxPzZoxbV93AUQ4hkFtlGGAOKItlQzJnnvInqfaAoeBADSsMQS9DT-20ryGf_bBU_E1IUS05wwafh605BmlGJqqGCL_V4lrXJfJlR1tSsp2dl48/s1600/2014+Kickstarter+Cover+Image+%25284x3%2529+%2528600dpi%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_v8W9necpwsWaDiakurmsiMw-LTLHVxPzZoxbV93AUQ4hkFtlGGAOKItlQzJnnvInqfaAoeBADSsMQS9DT-20ryGf_bBU_E1IUS05wwafh605BmlGJqqGCL_V4lrXJfJlR1tSsp2dl48/s1600/2014+Kickstarter+Cover+Image+%25284x3%2529+%2528600dpi%2529.jpg" height="227" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Intra-Venus & the Cosmonauts.</span> </div>
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I know. Awesome, right? Yeah. It's extremely cool that they asked me to help write a few songs with them. It's practically a dream come true. I say this with all sincerity because I have long been an admirer of musicians and music of all kinds. So please, when I say these things, please know I am being totally sincere.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The guys from Intra-Venus & the Cosmonauts have a wonderful opportunity and need your support. They have secured David J (founding member of Bauhaus and Love and Rockets) to produce their first full length album. Please consider contributing to their Kickstarter project so they can do this thing right. </b></span></span></div>
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Money needs to find its way to art. More specifically, <i>your</i> money needs to find its way to <i>this</i> art. Why? Because if you don't fund the arts, much of it will disappear, and in the case of Intra-Venus and the Cosmonauts, it might not get the chance to appear in the first place. Oh, I know I sound dramatic and I am pushing a little. You are right to think so because this is my hard sell. You owe it to yourself to find something you can support with your money and watch it flourish.</div>
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I am not trying to imply you don't do this already. I know as a poet I spend much more of my own money on my life as a poet than I will ever earn, as is true of the majority of poets in the world. What I am trying to do is get you to do something extra, something outside of yourself and support the arts in a way you might not have normally thought viable.</div>
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When we support the arts, and the artists who create that art, we are providing a wider response to the world in which we live. We expand and extend the opportunity for people to experience the arts, and in turn, plant seeds of possibility and opportunity for new art to be created.</div>
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When we support the arts with money, we lend credibility to the artist. We announce to the world being an artist is not a waste of time. We tell the artist and audience alike "This is worthy of consideration" and even if that consideration is momentary, it will have an impact.</div>
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No truly great artist is an artist because of money. Money does not inspire a lifetime of creativity and passion. However, art does have a monetary price. There is only so much on can do as an artist without money, and as many of you have, this band, Intra-Venus & the Cosmonauts, has reached the point of no return without money. They either settle on the level of exposure local venues provide, continuing to self-produce the occasional ep, releasing them on the internet, or they step forward, into a much larger world---one where things might start happening on a grand scale.</div>
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Yes, I am personally vested. I am not a neutral observer in this pursuit. I have written songs with this band, and I have been able to live vicariously through their exploits. If they succeed I can feel a little of the thrill. Well, I am giving money to their kickstarter, too. I am going to be giving money just like I know they guys in the band are giving their money, in addition to their blood and sweat.. These guys are authentic, passionate, and talented. You owe it to yourselves to give money. Any amount you can give will be appreciated. Any amount you give will be confirmation of the arts.</div>
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I will also say this. If you give at least $50, I will, in addition to the packages offered by the band, give you a signed copy of my chapbook, <i>Friday in the Republic of Me</i>, OR a signed copy of my book <i>Sailing This Nameless Ship</i>, OR a signed copy of my forthcoming book of landscape meditation poetry. Get hold of me for the details on that.</div>
Justin Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12161484350184865575noreply@blogger.com0